i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
