I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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