When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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