a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
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