There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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