Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
