piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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