his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
