Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
