just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
