Umm I'm too high to move.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
