Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
