she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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