dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
