oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
they're like a gay fantastic four
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
