Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
