dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
