I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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