i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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