i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Drunk is a universal language darling
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