I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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