Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
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