Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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