I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
