weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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