toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i just wanna soil my oats bro
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
