In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
birth control should be required to get into college
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
