why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
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