my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
