i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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