My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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