Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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