I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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