Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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