There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
