First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
You did what with his pubic hair?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
