This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
