I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Is it because I queefed?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
