this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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