I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize