im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
