You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Terrible idea I love it
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize