oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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