Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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