Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
