i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
