There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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