i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
