Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
