he shaved USA in his pubs
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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