If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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