Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
