So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
