How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
