also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
