Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
