Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
