before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
