I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.