wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
