Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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