We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
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