Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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