community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
