Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
