I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
