Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
