I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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