just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
