my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
