also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
