So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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