my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
