I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
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Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
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That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
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