Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
