In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
As shirtless as possible
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
